Think about it – when was the last time someone really dumped on you?

                 Was it the ungrateful patient who called your boss or the State Board with an outrageous complaint? The partner who didn’t acknowledge your efforts and time taken to smooth over his lack of bedside manners? The supervisor who smiled as he gave you a low performance review? How did it make you feel?

                 As they say, the main difference between an internist and a pediatrician is how you feel about your patient peeing on you.

                 So, who really, really steamed your clams?

                 Seriously, think about it. Keep thinking of all the times you’ve been dumped on, screamed at, pissed on, and abused. Let your juices simmer for a bit. And then…

THE EXERCISE:

                 Below, you will find a table with four rows. Each row has a class of instigator in it – that is, someone who dumped on you. In the center column, jot down the thing that they said or did. It’s ok to still be angry, but be brief.

Instigator	Dumpage	The big “T”
Patient
Coworker/Peer
Supervisor
Personal (non-work related)

                 Done?

                 Okay, so here’s more to think about.

                 Every time someone comes after us, there is something real that set him or her in motion (barring chemical imbalances, gladiatorial fighting, or simple stupidity). Something shoved them out of their comfort zone, which made them billiard-ball into us (and likely set us clacking about the pool table).

                 Oftentimes, it could be something totally external to us. A patient might mouth off at us because he is frightened. A superior might have a sick need to establish his or her dominance. A person we jostled might snap at us because she is tired.

                 Criticism hurts because it runs counter to our own self-image. It hurts because someone is telling us that we are, in essence, dumb, slow, stupid, obnoxious, or smelly.

                 But what really hurts that, deep down, we know there is likely a grain of truth in it.

                 Ouch.

                 Think about it – if a coworker complains that if you would stop talking you could get some work done, it hurts because (a) we might well have been talking too long, and (b) we might be making someone else do our share of the work. If a rampaging patient has a long list of complaints, and one is that you are not responding promptly to the call bell or phone messages, might that not very well be true? Are you always giving your best, or might there be a grain of truth in that painful criticism?

                 Take a moment to look at the thing you regurgitated in the table above. Be objective. Is there an uncomfortable truth lurking behind all the angry words?

                 In the Big “T” column, write down what might have been the truth about you that set off this person. If it helps, write it with the thought that after you are done, you can tear out the page and destroy it utterly.

There is one thing you should take away from this exercise.

We are only human. We remain works-in-progress. We still have a ways to go before we are perfect.  As some of our favorite substance abuse programs state: “Progress, not perfection, is the goal.”

Life and medicine can be annoying, thankless, and bitter at times. Look at all criticism truthfully, adjust your own behavior, and forgive the transgressions of others. Get over it or die mad.

It’s either that or stew in your juices until your brains explode.

Yuck.

Patricia Raymond MD FACP FACG is a Virginia gastroenterologist who takes the personnel hemorrhage in medicine seriously, and herself lightly. Formerly fried by compassion fatigue, and a frankly cranky caregiver, Dr.Raymond writes and speaks on helping physicians and nurses to play nicely in the sandbox of medicine.

Her books, “Don’t Jettison Medicine” and the cult comedy anthology “Colonoscopy: It’ll Crack u Up” are available at www.RxForSanity.com, or you can hear her on streaming audio each Friday from 12-1 EST as she hosts NPR’s Housecalls challenging patients to step up and accept responsibility for their own health.

Contact her at PLRaymond@RxForSanity.com.

Get more on booking Dr. Raymond’s presentations for your hospital  at  Rx For Sanity

Pre and Post Colonoscopy Humor can be found at the quirky Colonoscopy: It’ll Crack u Up

Listen and call in to live streaming audio as Dr. Raymond teaches the public to accept responsibility for their own health Fridays 12-1 EST on NPR’s Housecalls with Dr. Pat Raymond

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